Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize