Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize