You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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