I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
