Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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