I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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