I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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