Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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