I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
