my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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