I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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