how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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