Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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