A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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