I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize