Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
