Moan for me like Helen Keller
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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