I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
