Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize