That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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