my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
