***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
