i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
