So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
