I think im going to throw up on grandma
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
