We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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