I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
