Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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