party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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