genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
