On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
