I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
