i jhust puked up my retainher.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
