you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Randomize
