Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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