She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
