White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
