everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize