Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
