She is in my trunk
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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