This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
