She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
