My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize