marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
