so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
