____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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