stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
