Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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