making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
