the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
