You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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