piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
