I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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