so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
