She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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