please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
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