I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
