I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
