I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
