Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
