you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
