My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
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