Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
