Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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