she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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