She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
