we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
