Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My vagina just recognized that song.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
