is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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