I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
