i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
