I will die if light touches me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
