tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
