gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
