dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize