so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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