I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
We are all done wearing pants today
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
