You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Sorry about my life...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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