Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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