So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
