the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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