dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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