So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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