Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I could make wine with my vomit
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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