So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
