Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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