I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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