just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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