dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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