Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
