I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
