I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
