covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
