the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
