He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize