Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
