Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
