I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
