Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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