I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
