I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
