the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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