Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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