First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
