everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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