my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
