I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
